Urgh... The past few Saturdays have been almost the same as this week's... pigging in and fangirl-ing Nickkhun! I am so sad I cannot find any sub (chinese or english) for this week's we got married :(

And... I can say my life is really kinda screwed at this point of time :(
No, it isn't the usual reason... usually I am screwed because of the common reasons but this time it is different and I am afraid of losing someone so special and important to me :( Someone that is so important in my life for the past 2 years and I've never dream of losing contact with.

Though I really did not do anything to get what I don't want, I feel guilty somehow like it is kinda my fault. I wish someone can get me out of this and assure me everything that I do not deserve.

I wish the someone can be you but oh well, let's pretend I am just kidding. I really wish you can be here to save me at times like this but no, where are you? erh, partying? even if not, you won't be here for me :(

Like what my dear china PR friend said to me last night (lol),  "if got feel just chiong only. soon you will realise everything is just a past and you are over it." HAHAHAHAHAHA. He is so naive. No feel leh, how?! Anwz, he was trying to get me out and learn to love again soon. Thanks ah~ 


Hmm. No doubt I've already got an idea of the top 3 mistakes I made in my poly life. I've yet to conclude the 3rd one. This is seriously damn chui... I've got 1,000 word personal reflection for WISP due on Monday and I've yet to start on it, good job! I gonna have my very first practical driving lesson on Monday morning I am so scared... and my wisdom tooth (I think it is) is hurting me but extraction gonna cost $500 for one stupid tooth. If I don't extract, it might cause tooth decay leh... seriously fml :( Then this coming week got so many shit due. AFA project, WISP ppt then got EEP quiz and TAX assignment and I gonna have BCOMM solution selling call the week after. urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. oh yes, my eye shit can't stop flowing out. I hope I'll be fine tomorrow after I change a new pair of lens tomorrow :3

I hate visiting dentist because it is always associated with fear and pain. sigh. I also want to be dentist already. $500 for one wisdom tooth. Everyone will have max 4 wisdom tooth, that's $2000. Omg, good money $) I've not visit a dentist since it wasn't compulsory after sec sch :( I know that we should all visit at least once a year! arghhhhhhhhhhh.

I miss my girlfriends, all of them.
Darlings especially. I think the last time all four of us met up was december? we always have 3 girls after that. I miss them so much :( I need a good big hug, a long one. Anyone? :(
I miss Xf also... it felt like years since I last saw her though it was barely a month... I miss the breasts too but thank god I gonna meet them next week. I miss SWY though I just met her 2 weeks ago but we have to wait 4 months later till we meet again. we got to stay strong in between (:
I actually miss the Udders girls too. May, Althea, Sarah, Ashley, Jessie...
I miss Grace, Jochingu, charpoh, purdey, jiale, bee, rach too :(
I made a new gf this semester, Jessica. She's amazing. We can talk about eyecandies, those korean guys... and have our body warmed instantly ^^

I just feel so empty somehow... only Nichkhun can make me happy now :3
I can't help but wish I did not... and everything will be so different now. There are so many people I want to see in school the next semester.

When you say tomorrow, you really makes me look forward to tomorrow even if I've already got an idea how sucky the day will be like. It's like tomorrow had never sound so nice until you said it. hmm, why am I always immersed in this when my mind know it is god damn unhealthy, you probably don't really mean anything more and I will never reap anything? Well, I guess I can only blame it on my brain and the word 'hope'. I am retarded like that.

Anwz, the thought that make me really happy is the hope that attachment starts on 20th Sep and we funky boys and girls (lol) will be able to go BKK~ The thought of it really excites me.

Well, I wish I can win lottery or money can drop from the sky... I just need about... hmm, $5k? $3k for braces and $2k for driving. Really, that's all I am asking for. I already give up hope on getting a new camera... my dream camera LX3 just seems so far away. It's ok... right now all I want is really braces... but I can't stop learning driving cause my FTT will expire in 2 years' time :(

I.WANT.BRACES :(

Dearest girl, I don't know what to say to cheer you up and I am so afraid it will make me seem so pretentious. I want you to be happier, you know it... I know all my girls are wonderful and all of you deserve to be happy and that includes you. I don't even know if it is possible for you to be cheered on in this situation cause I can never imagine myself in your shoes. I will not ask or urge you to move on because hey, look where I am now. I can't even set a good example to you, my dear. Just so you know, if you ever feel like tearing or breaking down, there is always someone who will cry with you and listen. I cannot promise that I can give good advice but I promise I will be a good listener.